Nine Months
by Domestic Servant
Summary: Minato's knack for making things worse couldn't have shown up at a worst time. Moments of a hormonal Kushina, a wrongly accused Kakashi, and a beastly Gai...among other thigs.


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Nine Months

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--

_One..._

"Good lord, this mission was so stressful," said Kushina, rubbing the back of her neck walking into her house and plopping down onto the couch next to her husband, who was reading a book. "...that I missed my period. Not that I'm complaining, or anything"

"Maybe you should get some girlfriends to discuss your _female issues _with," suggested Minato. He really didn't want to hear anything about a period, whether it was missed or not. It was like, _ew. _

Kushina glared at his lack of interest in her personal issues. "Yeah. Usually, when I _do _get it, which is every month, it's ex_treme_ly--"

"Lalalalaa, I'm not listening!" Minato plugged his ears like a child and started singing to drown her out.

"You're such an immature idiot, you know that?" Kushina laughed. "Anyway, as I was saying...I've been feeling rather sick, too. I think I may have caught that cold you had last week..."

"You'll be fine," assured Minato."I'll make you some tea, okay?"

And so he got up to go prepare his wife's hot beverage.

_--_

_Two..._

"Woah!"

"What is it, Jiraiya?" Minato looked at his former sensei in confusion. They were currently sitting on a bench, waiting for Kushina to finish her mini-shopping spree. (Minato had _just_ gotten paid).

"You're wife's breast size has increased some!"

Minato's face was all, _"WTH"_

"They're so perky and round and voluptuous now!"

Minato's face was all, _"WTH"_

Finally, Kushina had finished gathering her bags and was walking towards the two men looking rather pale and sick.

"Oh my, are you all right?!" asked a concerned Minato. He took her bags from her and set them down and helped her sit on the bench.

"_Ooh my God..."_ she shook her head and her shoulders in a weeping fashion. "_I'm pregnant!"_

"What?" asked both Jiraiya and Minato at the same time.

"I bought a test inside and peed on it and it's positive!" She reached into her pocket and pulled out the stick and handed it to Minato who was _slightly _reluctant to grab any object that had been pissed on. "TAKE IT!" she shrieked.

He took it. And sure enough, it was positive.

"Maybe you should go to Tsunade just to be sure," nodded Jiraiya like the sagely man he was.

"Durr. Like I'm going to take the word of a piece of plastic that I have to _pee on," _snapped Kushina.

Minato was still holding the pregnancy test, staring at the plus sign on the screen. Unbeknownst to him, he had the facial expression of a monkey that had been given a bundle of ripe canary bananas.

_Yes, the bananas that are so ridiculously small and adorable that you just want to kick puppies._

_--_

_Three..._

"Are you fucking serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious! For the twentieth time, stop asking me!"

"Sorry, but this is just great...And she...she doesn't know?"

"Uh, no. You think you'd be hearing it from me if she knew?"

"Well..."

"...You're such a dumbass. It's a wonder _you_ ever made it to Hokage. Just don't tell her, okay?"

"Oh! Of course not. I need to be in tip top shape to look over the village, right? Can't risk any avoidable injuries!"

"And watch what you say when the topic comes up! When you discuss names, don't lean towards the boys too much, or she'll get suspicious. And don't let anything remotely related slip.

"Durr."

"Dur, indeed. All right, Minato. So now that that's taken care of, I'll just be leaving now. I don't even know _how _you managed to get this out of me, but just don't screw up the surprise, okay?"

"Sure thing, Tsunade!"

--

_Four..._

It was a fine, fine day and a young Minato Namikaze was strolling down the streets of Konoha, whistling a random tune into the air, waving at everyone he passed by and giving a little chuckle to himself every five seconds. It was pretty obvious that he was the happiest man in the whole country of Fire and it would most likely remain so until he died.

To him, he had everything. A beautiful wife who was impregnated with his _son,_ an entire village that loved him, a job that paid _fucking well,_ a smile that got him anything, and free coupons to the best ramen restaurant around. Yes, he decided that he had it all.

Minato sighed airily as he walked through the doorway of his humbly large abode and greeted Kushina, his wife, by kissing her on the cheek. She gave him a once-over and raised an eyebrow. "What the hell happened to you?"

He gave her a lopsided giddy smile. "Whatever do you mean?"

"The only two times you've had that dumb expression on your face was when you had sex with me for the first time and then recently when we found out I was pregnant."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, really. You know something don't you?"

Minato tried contorting his mouth so that he wasn't smiling (and it was a pretty hysterical expression). "It wouldn't matter to you if I did..."

"Judging by your _I'm-trying-not-to-smile _grimace right now, I'm thinking that it would."

"Hmph..." _Damn woman and their intuition!_

"So...what, exactly, do you know?"

"I told you! Nothing important!"

"Uh huh...right..." Kushina narrowed her eyes and, in turn, Minato narrowed his. Their staring contest continued on when Minato's drying eyes finally blinked and Kushina smirked victoriously.

"A fluke," was all Minato said.

"Yeah, that's you always say." Kushina's eyes brightened in realization as she remembered something. Her smirk widened into an excited grin and she reached behind her and pulled out a book. A _Your Baby and You _type of book. "So I've been thinking about _names_!"

Minato coughed. "Have you?"

"Yes! And according to this book, a kunoichi _should_ naturally know the gender of the baby and stuff!" she said excitedly.

"Really? So you already...?"

"Yeah!"

Minato clapped his hands happily, he suddenly decided he loved a woman's intuition! So much for keeping it a secret from her! Tsunade be damned! "This is fantastic!"

"I know, right? And I have a list compiled of the _perfect_ names for her." Kushina reached into her pocket and drew out a long, long list of names and handed them over to her husband. "Do you see any you like?"

He yanked the list from her hand and scanned them over, his smile turning into a pained grimace. _These were female names_. He mentally undamned Tsunade and peeked out from behind the list, his eyes meeting his expectant and grinning wife, who apparently had a _defective _intuition.

Minato's eyes crinkled from his wide and bright Colgate sponsered smile as he began listing off the names that he liked best.

--

_Five..._

"So you're just going to play along, sensei?" giggled Rin, one of Minato's students from back in the day.

"I have to! She'll go _nuts_ if I so much as question her logic," he answered. And no, he was _not _whining. He was _ranting _in and _immature manner._

"You know her, though. This'll go too far if you don't tell her that she's wrong," put in Kakashi. Minato nodded in agreement inwardly as he silently cried. He was in such a terrible predicament.

"_Oh you don't even know, Kakashi!"_ he wailed. He had gotten home the other night from staying late at work and already found their guest bedroom to be converted into a pink, orange, and yellow nursery. Kushina had then popped up suddenly in front of him and held up a yellow onsie with pink polka dots. "She's spent so much money on girl things! _Girl things!"_

Rin full out laughed this time at her former teacher's desperation whilst Kakashi sighed. His teacher was hopeless.

The Yondaime clapped his hands on the sides of his head as he suddenly realized a most horrible realization. "_What if it's too late and my boy has to wear girl clothes as an infant and live in a girl nursery?!"_

"Hmph, you're getting a boy, too?" Minato turned around and was faced with Fugaku, the head of the prestigous Uchiha clan.

"Don't tell Kushina!" was his answer.

"Sensei, you should really tell her. She might get angry, but it'll be better for everyone in the end!" advised Rin.

"Mikoto is expecting a boy as well..." said Fugaku.

"Yeah? Maybe they'll be friends, neh?" smiled Minato.

"Hah, like an Uchiha would be friends with a guy who had to wear female attire as a baby!" laughed Kakashi. Rin punched his arm and muttered something about _making the situation worse._

_"Oh God, you're right Kakashi_!"

"I'm not sure I understand?" asked Fugaku.

"Long story short, Minato knows the sex of the baby, Kushina doesn't. She thinks that it's gonna be a girl when it's really gonna be a boy. She's even already furnished the nursery and bought girl stuff and yeah. It's a mess, really," nodded Rin.

"Too bad for you Minato. You were always one to willingly put yourself in stupid situations, though. Are you going to correct Kushina?"

Rin raised her hand. "I think he should tell her!"

"I think he shouldn't and then I'll get some jollies at his expense." Rin stifled a laugh and then scolded Kakashi for saying such rude things.

Fugaku turned away from Minato's students and to the actual man himself, who was biting his thumb, mentally debating whether the wrath of Kushina was worse than having a boy dressed as a girl for the first years of his life. "Well, Minato. You'll lose either way, so there's no point in having a mental breakdown over it. If you tell her, she'll get pissed. If you don't and she finds out you knew she was wrong the whole time, she'll get pissed." The Uchiha sighed. "But I'm sure they'll pick a worthy ninja to take your place as Hokage for when you die at Kushina's hands."

"_I _am_ gonna die, aren't I?"_ Minato said in painful realization.

--

_Six..._

"Minato! Oh, Minato!" Kushina's six month pregnant body bounded over to the couch, where Minato was reading Jiraiya's first novel.

"Yes?"

"Mikoto Uchiha had her spawn a few days ago! It's a boy, can you believe it? Sometimes I wish I were having a boy..."

Minato's eyes lightened up. Maybe he could utilize this good mood...

"But I'm so glad it's a girl. I wouldn't trade the _world_ to change it. I've always wanted to raise a strong kunoichi..." Kushina trailed off wistfully.

...And there was his chance to tell her. Gone.

"...Yeah," he grimaced. "So...what'd they name the newest Uchiha?"

"Sasuke."

"Hmm, sounds like something they'd name their kid..."

"Yeah, he's real cute, and the _weirdest _thing happened!"

"What?" Minato perked up in curiousity.

"When I went over to say hello to him, I felt this kick in my tummy! She was moving!"

"Really?" _Maybe they'll be rivals_, thought Minato excitedly. Oh, his son would _so _kick the Uchiha's ass!

"_Maybe they'll fall in love and get married!"_ squealed Kushina. She hugged her husband tightly as his once excited grin faltered into a look of shock.

"What?!" Minato, forgetting that Kushina thought their baby was a girl, was stunned. He never even thought about that!

"Well, you know, since we'll be having a kunoichi and all! Aaah, I wanna play matchmaker _now!"_

He wiped his brow, remembering about the whole _its-really-a-boy _issue. Yet he still couldn't help but wonder if his boy would end up gay or not...(not that he cared, or anything).

--

_Seven..._

"_WHAT IF HE'S GAY?!"_ Minato shook the shoulders of Rin. She and Kakashi were getting to be their sensei's vents for when he got a little out of control with the whole pregnancy and gender problem. "_What if Kushina treating the fetus like a girl makes him end up THINKING like a girl and he ends up gay?!"_

"And that would matter why?" asked Rin. "And you're logic makes no sense at all."

"And you have time to come up with these uncontrollable scenarios?" asked Kakashi. "What kind of Hokage _are _you?"

"It wasn't _my _idea! And of course it wouldn't matter! But...but...Kushina said something weird!"

Two sighs were heard from the young shinobi. "What did she say?" they asked.

"She was all, _Ohoh, maybe they'll get married!"_ Minato said in a high-pitched voice that was _supposed _to represent his wife's. "And I was in the mindset of having a boy at the moment, and, and...I just got this image of him and the Uchiha kid...you know..." he trailed off, pushing his two fingers together in a Hinata-esque (though she wasn't born yet) manner that said _'I'm really really embarrassed and oh God why did I even tell you I'm never going to live this down dammit why am I even Hokage?' _

"You are _sick_, sensei," responded Kakashi.

"And I think you should tell her, _now_. This has gone far enough! You're driving yourself into a corner, here!" protested Rin.

"No, Rin, he's past that. He's in the mousehole that was in the corner, by now," her teammate said.

"_DO I HEAR TALKS OF MOUSEHOLES!?"_

The restaurant that Minato, Rin, and Kakashi were in hushed in silence when every single light went out. The room was metaphorically bathed in darkness. Kakashi slapped his forehead, as he had painfully recognized the voice, and groped around to find his sensei and Rin and get the hell out.

"_Kakashi! You touched my boob!" _

_"Hey, hey, get your prying hands away from my ass!" _

_"Sorry, but we need to get out. Now."_

Suddenly, the previously darkened room was bathed in seizure inducing strobe lights and a hidden disco ball came down from the ceiling and started to spin. A green beast emerged from the shadows...

"KAKASHI! MY ONE TRUE RIVAL!"

Kakashi scrambled and, in all of the confusion, he tripped over the leg of his chair and his head fell onto Minato's lap. Gai, the green beast previously mentioned, bounded over to the trio, only to be halted by the image of what he thought were two hormonally-charged men enjoying themselves in a nice round of (wholly inappropriate) PDA.

"OH! I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR YONDAIME HOKAGE AND HIS WONDERFULLY HIP AND YOUTHFUL SUBORDINATE! I DID NOT KNOW THAT YOU TWO WERE ENGAGING IN AN ACT OF SHARING YOUR YOUTHFUL LOVE AND ADORATION FOR EACH OTHER! PLEASE! CARRY ON! I WILL GO ON SILENTLY INTO THE SUNSET, AND NOT TELL ANYONE OF THIS PAINFULLY ROMANTIC AND STRIKING SECRET LOVE AFFAIR! OH, WITNESSING YOU YOUTHFULLY FULFILLING YOUR NEEDS WITH EACH OTHER JUST BRINGS A TEAR TO MY EYE!!" And, much to Kakashi and Minato's annoyance, Gai whipped around and faced the speechless crowd. "EVERYONE! AS MUCH AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO, DO NOT STARE AT THE TWO MEN AS THEY EXCHANGE THE SEED AND GIFT OF THEIR DESIRES-"

"All right, that's _enough!_" Rin, from behind, punched Gai's lights out and dragged him out the of the restaurant. She came back dusting her hands off and sitting pleasantly across from the two men, who were now as far apart as they could manage without being on opposite sides of the room. "Wehell, now that _that's_ over."

--

_Eight..._

This was the day.

_This was the day Minato was going to tell Kushina that she was really having a boy._

He was currently fumbling with a napkin, waiting for his wife. She finally arrived and he had the sudden urge to run away in a panic. He couldn't though. His students were sitting in the booth behind him (for support) and Kakashi was saying _really scary things _that were sure to happen if he were to chicken out. Better not risk it.

So Kushina sat down across from Minato and he smiled sweetly at her before picking up his menu and hiding behind it. He had stragetically stuck a piece of paper that he was going to read off of on the inside. _That _way, he could tell her the truth whilst hiding. It was a pansy move, but he was scared, dammit!

From behind the menu, Minato heard his wife whistling a tune while she looked at her own menu. He felt sweat rolling down the sides of his face. Any normal person wouldn't think twice about telling his wife she was wrong about the sex of their baby, but this was _Kushina_. This was _Kushina _the _kunoichi _who never thought or accepted that she was wrong. _Ever._

_EHEVERRRR._

He did some deep breathing as he willed his blood pressure and nerves to slow down. He was going to do this and he was going to do this _now!_

"Kushina, baby..."

"Yes, Minato?"

"There's something...you should know..."

"And that is?"

"Well..."

"What?"

"You see..."

"Uh huh...?"

"The thing is..."

"If you're going to say you're gay, I must say, I already heard it from Gai. He streaked across the yard holding up a sign with mini-Minato's and Kakashi's and it was real cute, to be honest. I know it's false, but it's so _FUNNY._ But I always had a hunch about Kakashi..."

And that's when it all went to hell. Kakashi, still sitting in the booth behind his sensei, was so fed up of Minato prolonging the conversation and being called a homosexual no thanks to GAI (he was_ so_ going to kick that man's ass) that he leapt up, walked right over to Kushina (which wasn't far), pointed to her stomach, and said, "Your baby has a penis."

Minato, stunned, threw down his menu, gave Kakashi a wild look that screamed, _OH MY GOD, _and said (out loud), "_OH MY GOD!"_

The young Hokage grabbed the shoulder's of his former student and shook him violently. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I'M GONNA DIE NOW!" He considered the options of running away, growing a beard, changing his name, and gaining a few pounds...but he was a _man!_ Therefore, he was to treat this unfortunate situation as one! But Minato couldn't bear to look at his wife's face.

Would it be the disappointed face?

The look of vehement anger?

The expression of _no-sex-for-you?_

Oh God, anything but that!

He froze as Kushina began to talk. "...Penis?" she asked.

Kakashi nodded in the affirmative (as if there were any other way to nod).

"You mean I'm having a boy?"

Again, he nodded.

She turned to her husband. "And you knew about this?"

Rin, who had gotten up during Minato's scuffle of insanity, brought her hand up to Minato's head to nod it for him.

Kushina sighed. "Why didn't you tell me? I bought all of these...these..." Minato grimaced as Kushina's hormones took over. Her eyes were welling up with tears and she sniffled and bit her lip and clenched her fists and...

_OH MAN,_ he was in trouble.

"_I bought all of these things for a girl and you knew it was a boy and HOW COULD YOU LIE TO ME FOR ALL OF THESE MONTHS!"_

She was full on bawling now and if there was anything _The _Yellow Flash couldn't handle, it was a sad hormonally charged pregnant wife with killer mood swings in tears.

"I'm sorr-"

"_THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SPECIAL TIME AND YOU! YOU'RE SO STUPID, DUMBASS! FUCKING IDIOT! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"_

Now the sad pregnant Kushina was an ANGRY pregnant Kushina.

"_FUCKING SHIT, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU'RE THE FUCKING HOKAGE, I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL FUCKING CASTRATE YOU! I'LL CASTRATE YOU, THEN QUARTER YOU, THEN FEED YOU TO OROCHIMARU, THEN I'LL, I'LL, I'LL CASTRATE YOU AGAIN! AUUGH!"_

By now, everyone in the eatery was looking at the four. Kakashi was stifling a laugh and Rin was looking at Minato in pity.

Kushina turned to the two young shinobi as she wiped her eyes of her tears of anger and fanned her face. She put on a bright smile. "I'm _so _sorry you two had to witness me going off on my dumb as fuck husband. You know, it's these damn hormones! So! Would you two like to join us for lunch?" she chirped.

Kakashi, just a little bit frightened, slid into the booth, followed by Rin and a visibly shaken Minato. Kushina glared at the Yondaime and then smiled at his students. Kakashi mentally decided that he was to stay single for the rest of his life.

"So...Kushina...san..." Rin added on the suffix, just to be careful. "What are you deciding on naming..your...uh...son?"

"Oh, I don't know. I still have time..." she answered lightly.

"What about your nursery? And the clothes?" asked Kakashi.

"Oh, _my husband_ will take care of all of that. _All of it and then some!"_ she hissed in his direction. The man in discussion visibly winced and prayed that he would get out of this alive.

--

_Nine..._

"It's any day now, Minato! And our boy'll be born!" Kushina smiled at her husband, who was finished off the last pages of the novel he was reading. It was by his mentor, Jiraiya, and though it didn't sell really well, he thoroughly enjoyed it.

"What do you think we should name him when he's born?" she asked. She had forgiven him for his previous slip-up over the gender of their baby and the nursery and everything was all set. Let's just say Minato didn't really get _any _sleep in the past month.

"Maybe we should name him Naruto..." he said.

"Naruto? As in the stuff in ramen?" she asked, in disbelief.

"Well, it's the name of the guy in Jiraiya's book, and he's protrayed as the type of ninja we'd raise. It's the least we could do, after everything he's done for us, you know?"

Kushina smiled. He was right. The old man was always there to give them some comedic, yet helpful, advice. And he was to be their son's godfather, so what the hell?

"All right, Naruto it is. Naruto Namikaze; I like the sound of that."

--

_And the new arrival..._

Minato wearily eyed the Nine-Tailed Fox as the last nine months flashed before his eyes. He wished every moment he had spent waiting for the birth of his son lasted just a little bit longer. He wished he had spent more time doting on his wife, rather than at his office. He had missed so much in the duration of the pregnancy, and now it was _all going to end_. He was going to leave his son, who was soon to be a Jinchuuriki, without a father. He remembered wondering if he was going to get through this pregnancy in one piece a month ago. Of course, the circumstances differed greatly, but, it looked to him like he wasn't going to after all.

The Yondaime didn't even stop his tears from coming as he went through the seals of the Sealing Jutsu. Sure, Kushina had put up a fight about letting her son be the vessel for the Kyuubi, but she knew that it was the right thing to do. It's not like Minato could waltz right into somebody's house and take _their _child for the dirty deed he was about to do. He chuckled shortly as he remembered Kushina's last words before she reluctantly gave the newborn to him.

_"Take the Uchiha spawn! They'll still have Itachi!" Kushina said with wild eyes, clutching her son. "They won't even notice Sasuke's gone until it's too late!"_

But she knew that wouldn't go over well; hell, even the old lady doped up on morphine in the bed next to Kushina knew that plan was stupid. Minato heard Naruto wailing in Kakashi's arms in background. He was surprised that the damn kid could even be heard over the loudness of the Demon Fox and general chaos. He swiftly grabbed the baby and heard a small whisper from his student,_ "The hospital's gone."_

Minato turned to Kakashi. "Naruto's gonna be a hero, okay? He's gonna fucking save this village...Make sure everyone knows that..."

And Kakashi left without another word.

A new spring of those damned tears came up as it suddenly registered in his mind that Kushina was probably dead like everyone else in the hospital. A bright flash of light erupted from the general area around him as the Sealing Jutsu started to take action.

His last thoughts as he fell off of Gamabunta, holding his son, weren't happy ones either.

_Naruto was going to be alone._

_--_

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**Aah, it's my first MinaKush fic! I absolutely adore this, since it's canon and everything and Minato was one gorgeous Hokage!**

**Uhm, sorry, the first few months are kind of boring cause they were the last ones I wrote. And I didn't know how to convey anything, since, yeah. LOL. And, uh, the last part is so fucked up because I have no clue how the sealing jutsu works and I'm far too lazy to research. So, if anyone could fill me in or something, I'll take the time to add more detail.**

**All right, I hope it's okay :) Tell me what you think!**

**Aloha!**


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